Echo from the abyss

I lay here looking above at the swirling fan,
I close my eyes,
Now counting the number of mermaids swimming in the ocean,
Vast and deep like my emotions,
Each wave, a rush of seething pain
//
Somewhere stuck in an abyss,
Seeking a light long gone,
Is a part of me I try to part away from,
Dark like a night and cold as ice,
Trying so hard to break away from,
Yet it clutches my hand,
A tight grasp, my chest is heaving,
Tears rolling down,
Blinking through the pain, the tears, the blinding darkness,
Tunneling down a long channel,
Almost giving in,
Yet still fighting,
Struggling so hard to break free from this prison,
Calling out to a help so heartless, screaming until my throat burns out,
'What do you seek?' it asks softly,
Annoyed at my futile efforts to escape,
'Redemption' I cry out...
//
Still lying down,
Count at 234 mermaids now,
I can't sleep, should I start counting sheeps?
And what goes around and around in my mind,
Is the only question- how do I save myself from me?

City of lights and colours

Today was a really fun day full of laughter and positive vibes! Before I start, I want to assert that I have no intention of filling this blog with diary entries. It has always been and shall always be restricted to poems and prose.
Yet there are times when I'm too lazy to write in my journal so instead I type on this blog app which eventually ends up being a post (that I guiltily publish)
Since holi and our exams are approaching our Sir decided to throw a light breakfast for us. Quoting him 'Please stay after class. Bcom and holi ke khushi mei we are going to have breakfast' bcom ki khushi mei???... Everyone started laughing, heartedly at first, but very soon there was a hint of nervousness in those laughs when people realized what was coming. Now being CA students, we don't give two hoots to bcom, a course (as considered by us) designed for losers. Although in the end when it comes to the results we are ones who end up being losers since we don't study for that 'so called easy peesy course'
After cracking really cliche jokes related to coaching treats and shamelessly body-shaming the healthy people of our class saying 'Tanya se bach ke. She has an eye on your gujia' we embarked on our way to our homes. Wait, no!, not before suffering from the torturous 1.5 hours accounts class!!!
So while we were walking in a group, we came across a little kid asking for money. I'm very embarrassed to say this, I'm mostly a nice and kind person but with friends I can be dark, really really dark. Whenever a kid approaches us to ask for money I usually say 'Bhai mere paas khud nahi hai auto ke liye. Tum mujhe dedo' and that's what I did again... Except this time the kid was probably high on some holi business cause he accompanied us for that 10 minute walk playing kabaddi and was not letting my friends pass. One time when he said to me 'Bhagwaan aapka bhala karega' one of my friends replied back 'Are bhai! she is an atheist' which got me laughing so much. Anyway, we finally got rid of him after buying some namkeen for him.
Afterwards while I was in the auto, scanning the buzzing surrounding and passing shops, I was quite surprised at the fact that the city had transformed overnight into a colourful mela! Just yesterday, everything was as normal as ever and today suddenly it was as if all these gulaal, AK-47 pichkaris, yummy mithai selling shops had magically appeared! In addition to that, there was an array of beautiful bulb lights hanging from the above ready to light up the usually-boring evening streets! Since I was wearing all black today I was quite chill with the idea that someone might throw colours on me, which unfortunately didn't happen. Better luck tomorrow Sharvi.
I feel like another reason why my Sir gave us a party was because BJP was leading. When I came back home, it had already won with a crazy majority. One of the other things which made my day and my father's as well. Today was a lucky day to go shopping since he bought everything for me that I asked him to saying 'you can have anything today since BJP won' although I didn't really use that opportunity well, all I bought were some crayons (I don't even know why! Think the retardation of my rabbit is rubbing on me too) my brother did play a smart move though and asked for permission to cook shahi paneer for all of us for dinner.
That was all for today. I have to study for those 'so called easy peesy exams' now

The Cupid's Curse

Twilight descends,
The stars peek out,
High up on the trees the peacocks crying out loud,
And so does my heart with bitter longingness,
Crushed by this never-ending pensiveness,
Oh so distracted from the affairs of life,
Object of infatuation upon a pedestal in the mind,
Immense adulation for thy beauty divine,
An agape worshipper from day to night,
Like nocturnal moths attracted to light,
The yin of my pupil to the yang of your white,
In my stomach, a frenzied army of butterflies,
Chaotic and calm at the same time,
Rustling of the leaves, passing is a soft breeze,
Shivering is the skin, a charged contact from someone akin,
Buzzing, buzzing, like cryptic crickets,
Glowing, glowing, this divine spirit,
Enraptured now, taking in your scent,
Like plants of jasmine, putting up an aphrodisiac act,
Your sight so addicting, as I stand gaping unaware,
Legs now stone, lifeless, like Ozymandias in despair,
Paralyzed is this body, hypnotized is the mind,
Soul now dancing in a state of trance,
Is this the Cupid's idea of a romance? 

Musings of the day

It would be a lie to say that I love driving in the city. Ofcourse it's a comfort but however tiring it is, I always learn a new lesson while taking the public transport along the way back. Either that or just feel profound emotions that leave an impact on me for a while.
Today while coming back I saw a couple with a young kid. They were the saddest two people I've ever seen in my life. From what I gathered they were coming back from regency- a well known hospital in the city. I couldn't stop looking at them... It felt like the whole world had condemned those two people to eternal misery. Maybe they lost someone or were worried about somebody's health that they were close to, maybe they didn't have enough money to pay for the treatment, maybe the child with them had something going wrong with him. Whatever it was, blame in on the mirror neurons because soon enough I wanted to cry like a baby! It was too heartbreaking. I've never been the emotional kind but at that moment I had the heaviest of hearts. I meet a lot of different people everyday, a lot of them going through some kind of suffering I never knew existed, I never imagined would hit anybody. I went to have tea with a guy in my coaching today who I later found out was 24 years old and had dropped engg to do CA. He was at the same level as mine (keeping in mind that I'm just 19 right now, have no immediate responsibilities, no backlogs) while he had failed 4 times in this level and was again determined to give the upcoming exams. It's crazy how people still continue to persist... still have ambitions, are still motivated to make it work even if that motivation comes from fear alone which might be in his case, the constant nagging fear of how he keeps getting older and soon will have a lot of responsibilities in hand. Even after all this, people are still kind. Even if life continues to hit them hard, the force of the blow so fierce that some may crumble, they still are very kind and humble.
I also sometimes am amazed at how nice people can be. Whether it's the policeman who always waves a bye to me on my way back home, or the tea stall guy striking up a conversation about how the weather is, everyone... just constantly seeking for something human in this inhumane world of suffering they go through on a daily basis to make ends meet, to fulfil responsibilities.
All this makes me think how blessed I have been to never have much to worry about when it comes to prosperity, health or my relationships with family and friends. It does get harsh at times and it will in the future as well but the people I meet or talk to are on a different level of suffering which just kills me from inside.
In the end, I realize I cannot do much about it other than continue to better myself as a human being and shower love wherever and whenever possible. And never to hurt anybody because every human being walking this planet is going through things unimaginable, even if it does not solve their problem but a little smile and a nice conversation, even if about how harsh the weather is, can preserve their belief in humanity again.

Pizza or you?

Anxiously I wait for my pizza order,
Even more anxiously to catch a glimpse of you,
Scanning the crowd, night turning colder,
With an earnest desire, of which I never knew 

And so it arrives, my pizza soon,
Red sauce like your rosy cheeks, I swoon
Olive reminding me of your eyes so fine,
Dazzling, sparkling when they look at mine

I take a bite, oh those lips so smacking!
The crust, this crush, look there are fireworks cracking,
My eyes still looking for someone in blue,
The pizza has arrived but where are you?

Suddenly the world loses its colour,
Absence does makes the heart grow fonder,
A pizza left alone by its former lover,
I finally see you during a pink floyd cover

Deja vu!

One fine day,
and really the finest it was,
Out of sheer curiosity and boredom,
Or maybe just to satisfy my lonely soul,
Rather convince it again that there lies no another like it, 
Decide to explore an unknown world,
Slightly terrified and with little expectations,
Fingers dancing, clockwise, sweeping across this unfamiliar, unconventional world,
Chuckling and in awe at how technology can change anything but the deepest desires of the beings,
If only there was one to keep the Alice in me from falling and falling more into the wonderland,
And I did wonder/wander for a long time in this land,
But it was a dance without hope, a waltz without any scope,
Cursing myself now- what a waste of your time!,
Yet fate took a different turn and so I think (and so I hope),
A horizon so clear in front of me,
Fingers stop dancing, sweep to the right and take a bow,
Suddenly time is not wasteful at all, or rather every second flutters by happily,
Closer and closer I'm in a seashore now,
The sand warm against my feet,
Finding myself (or someone like me?)
The seashells screaming out my name, porcupine trees everywhere,
Falling now, falling into the sands swallowing me up,
Hoping to stay here forever, under the intelligent sun,
Hands moving forward trying to grasp the sun, the soul, hoping it's all real? Is it real?

Musical Influences

Stairway to Heaven or Highway to hell?

Led Zeppelin’s famous ‘Stairway to heaven’ and AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell’ are not merely two World-famous songs but also the two paths a person can take in life, especially in the influence of music. The music industry is full of artists of different genres from pop, punk to death metal. Each one of them competing against each other to create that one song that would top the billboard charts for days and bring them even more fame.

Apart from the glitz and glam of this industry, there is also a very ugly side to it. My father recently expressed to me his dislike for people who ‘find it cool to indulge in smoking, drinking and doing drugs just because their favourite musicians are doing it’ There have been famous rock stars like Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Elvis Presley, Iggy Pop who have penned down influential lyrics for the World to remember. But what about their self image? It’s a shame that they carried themselves in a self-destructive, wretched and miserable manner. But instead of being despicable, this image has become ‘cool’ for today’s youth. Recently the famous pop-star Miley Cyrus ditched her innocent avatar of Hannah Montana by giving a raunchy live performance and by producing two objectionable music videos. I can’t imagine what a huge influence that would have made on millions of her fans around the World, most of them being tween and teen girls. With today’s fast-paced and internet-based World, access to an uncensored song is just a click away. Children have musicians as their role models and a little carelessness on the musician’s part can have a huge effect on their minds and their demeanours.

Music is highly influential and can be used as a medium for protesting against wrongdoings and dealing with problems instead of using it in a negative way which can corrupt the listener’s thought process and thus influence one’s life. Like Jimi Hendrix said ‘Music doesn't lie. If there is something to be changed in this world, then it can only happen through music.’ Listening to powerfully positive music really brings a change in the character of a person and the kind of music you listen defines the kind of life you live. So it’s up to you, if you want to take the Stairway to heaven? Or The Highway to Hell?