Echo from the abyss

I lay here looking above at the swirling fan,
I close my eyes,
Now counting the number of mermaids swimming in the ocean,
Vast and deep like my emotions,
Each wave, a rush of seething pain
//
Somewhere stuck in an abyss,
Seeking a light long gone,
Is a part of me I try to part away from,
Dark like a night and cold as ice,
Trying so hard to break away from,
Yet it clutches my hand,
A tight grasp, my chest is heaving,
Tears rolling down,
Blinking through the pain, the tears, the blinding darkness,
Tunneling down a long channel,
Almost giving in,
Yet still fighting,
Struggling so hard to break free from this prison,
Calling out to a help so heartless, screaming until my throat burns out,
'What do you seek?' it asks softly,
Annoyed at my futile efforts to escape,
'Redemption' I cry out...
//
Still lying down,
Count at 234 mermaids now,
I can't sleep, should I start counting sheeps?
And what goes around and around in my mind,
Is the only question- how do I save myself from me?