Violet

Startled, she stared at him with eyes wide,
Like saucers at the sudden turn of events,
In a second a monster unleashed,
From within what seemed like a space of calm wind,
Out came a shout, one so deafening,
Raising the hair on her arms,
As he raised a chair,
Almost ready to be hurled upon her,
She shut her eyes which reopened a few seconds later,
The choice of weapon was stuck in mid-air,
An angry, confused look on his face,
Slowly some sense kicked in,
With a look full of disgrace,
The shouts died down,
But her heartbeats did not,
Having finally witnessed the unimaginable,
'Violet, my child' his voice quivered,
Hands trembling at what had occurred,
Bursting into tears she ran out the house,
Into the embrace of her only mother, the nature...

Rant Machine

Life is like a shooting star, speeding beautifully but only to its ultimate death.

Disclaimer- This is going to be a depressing post about me ranting, whining and complaining and 100% guarantees to turn any mortal being into a self-loathing nihilistic, sad form of life (which pardon me, but aren't we already?)
Everyone believes in the power of positivity, on spreading happiness, sweet sounding things like those. But the most natural state of a being is grief. After a long time of seeking shelter in the bright side of things and then suddenly landing up in a state of complete despair and emptiness do you realize how fake  happiness or its counterparts really are.
Happiness does not ache our hearts, make our chests feel heavy with complete hollowness, it doesn't make us weak in the stomach desperately trying to digest the bitter truths and suffer the blows of daily life struggles, it does not mentally...fuck us up? Grief does. Man does not grow in the tender arms of love or we would've laid forever in our mother's arms. One has to face the battles of life, taste failures, and occasionally lie down in their bed at nights thinking of all the sacrifices they made to hold that light in the end of a long, dark tunnel only to realize that it is not there. Did someone take it away? Nah, it was never there to begin with- positivity and happiness just made that up for us.
People think that being sad is unnatural. It isn't. It is the purest forms of emotions which I feel should be felt just the way it is- the way sadness and loneliness can cut your insides with razorblades, scraping pieces of your skin, the feeling of your soul bleeding, it's amazing really. It makes you realize how much you can really endure while your heart just wants to bursts into flames any second, the inside of your brains keep twisting and give you a nasty migraine, you really wish you could take an axe and chop your head off your body because only a fool has the ability to always stay 'happy'. Someone in possession of a head tends to think, think and think and overthink about every bad thing ever which can have a tragic effect on their feeble mind and body. Next thing you know everything hurts so much. Whether it is the sound of the swirling fan above or the thunder outside, you feel like you're a part of everything and everything wants to attack you.

In the end it's you, you with your head which makes you feel bad about yourself and the world. You alone fighting this life, occasionally stopping to ask what is the bloody point? and then again succumbing to it, periods of slogging and moping followed again by a period of infinite sadness. A constant loop called life only to one day relieve you of itself.

Unconditional

These four walls woke up feeling incomplete,
Wee hours of morning saw you leave,
While I slept soundly,
Clutching on a 100 rupee note,
Tucked in by your beautiful hands,
That are as wrinkled as the surface of the untouched tea,
You keep in my desk every winter eve,
This house,
It has become silent,
With a face of dissapointment when I unlock the door,
It asks me where you've gone,
Prancing feet and loud phone calls,
Clattering of utensils in the kitchen,
Running bath and whispering chants,
And occasional painful groans,
It tells me you are its muse,
And that it misses you dearly!
Sweet love of mine,
I tell the house I share its pain,
My cold fingers once being kissed by you,
Now pick up your white strands of hair,
Never wanting to run out of them,
And I'd wait for next winter to come,
To see your tired pretty face again,
Sometimes complaining but mostly loving,
Loving with a love so unconditional,
It almost feels undeserving,
I wish I could lay the whole world in front of you,
Or turn back the time for you,
Or maybe just talk more on the phone when you're away!!,
But all I can do is wait for you

A lone wolf

Screeching owls atop these trees around me,
Casting a shadow,
Mine, lost among their intricate patterns,
I'm rushing through the forest,
Rustling of nature in my ears,
My quick feet flying,
Chasing my prey,
The bright, white moon,
Coming to a halt, I take a break,
Standing on the edge of a cliff now,
The stones tumbling down to the valley below,
Amidst the dead silence and a constant buzz of night flies,
I look up,
Eyes searching,
Sweeping across the painted sky,
But in vain,
I howl,
Calling out your name,
Where art thou my moon?
Shy or angry hiding behind the curtains of clouds?
I wouldn't know...
I have nothing left to say...
Helpless,
You are out of my reach,
All I can do now is whimper,
O' Darkness,
My companion,
Let's run beneath this sky devoid of starry light,
The moon of my life is unhappy tonight

Sweet Escape

Pour toi mon amour,
I write a sweet serenade,
For your ever honeyed words fall soft on my ears,
Human so gorgeous, a treat to the eyes,
Your creator I'd worship day and night,
Caught in this embrace of love,
Are embers in my heart,
Glowing and calm- like an undying love,
A strange yearning from the first day I laid my eyes,
Upon your two black marbled wonders,
Stare so soft, yet intense as a landslide,
The sound of your soul,
Like the broken, beautiful tune of an old piano,
Tugging on the strings of my spirits, Playing a melody- oh so familiar!,
And somewhere in heaven above,
Or maybe just inside my heretic heart,
Are dancing angels,
Chirping birds,
Bright auroras,
Such an ecstacy!!- tears falling down,
The entire being falling,
Falling in love with you...

Echo from the abyss

I lay here looking above at the swirling fan,
I close my eyes,
Now counting the number of mermaids swimming in the ocean,
Vast and deep like my emotions,
Each wave, a rush of seething pain
//
Somewhere stuck in an abyss,
Seeking a light long gone,
Is a part of me I try to part away from,
Dark like a night and cold as ice,
Trying so hard to break away from,
Yet it clutches my hand,
A tight grasp, my chest is heaving,
Tears rolling down,
Blinking through the pain, the tears, the blinding darkness,
Tunneling down a long channel,
Almost giving in,
Yet still fighting,
Struggling so hard to break free from this prison,
Calling out to a help so heartless, screaming until my throat burns out,
'What do you seek?' it asks softly,
Annoyed at my futile efforts to escape,
'Redemption' I cry out...
//
Still lying down,
Count at 234 mermaids now,
I can't sleep, should I start counting sheeps?
And what goes around and around in my mind,
Is the only question- how do I save myself from me?

City of lights and colours

Today was a really fun day full of laughter and positive vibes! Before I start, I want to assert that I have no intention of filling this blog with diary entries. It has always been and shall always be restricted to poems and prose.
Yet there are times when I'm too lazy to write in my journal so instead I type on this blog app which eventually ends up being a post (that I guiltily publish)
Since holi and our exams are approaching our Sir decided to throw a light breakfast for us. Quoting him 'Please stay after class. Bcom and holi ke khushi mei we are going to have breakfast' bcom ki khushi mei???... Everyone started laughing, heartedly at first, but very soon there was a hint of nervousness in those laughs when people realized what was coming. Now being CA students, we don't give two hoots to bcom, a course (as considered by us) designed for losers. Although in the end when it comes to the results we are ones who end up being losers since we don't study for that 'so called easy peesy course'
After cracking really cliche jokes related to coaching treats and shamelessly body-shaming the healthy people of our class saying 'Tanya se bach ke. She has an eye on your gujia' we embarked on our way to our homes. Wait, no!, not before suffering from the torturous 1.5 hours accounts class!!!
So while we were walking in a group, we came across a little kid asking for money. I'm very embarrassed to say this, I'm mostly a nice and kind person but with friends I can be dark, really really dark. Whenever a kid approaches us to ask for money I usually say 'Bhai mere paas khud nahi hai auto ke liye. Tum mujhe dedo' and that's what I did again... Except this time the kid was probably high on some holi business cause he accompanied us for that 10 minute walk playing kabaddi and was not letting my friends pass. One time when he said to me 'Bhagwaan aapka bhala karega' one of my friends replied back 'Are bhai! she is an atheist' which got me laughing so much. Anyway, we finally got rid of him after buying some namkeen for him.
Afterwards while I was in the auto, scanning the buzzing surrounding and passing shops, I was quite surprised at the fact that the city had transformed overnight into a colourful mela! Just yesterday, everything was as normal as ever and today suddenly it was as if all these gulaal, AK-47 pichkaris, yummy mithai selling shops had magically appeared! In addition to that, there was an array of beautiful bulb lights hanging from the above ready to light up the usually-boring evening streets! Since I was wearing all black today I was quite chill with the idea that someone might throw colours on me, which unfortunately didn't happen. Better luck tomorrow Sharvi.
I feel like another reason why my Sir gave us a party was because BJP was leading. When I came back home, it had already won with a crazy majority. One of the other things which made my day and my father's as well. Today was a lucky day to go shopping since he bought everything for me that I asked him to saying 'you can have anything today since BJP won' although I didn't really use that opportunity well, all I bought were some crayons (I don't even know why! Think the retardation of my rabbit is rubbing on me too) my brother did play a smart move though and asked for permission to cook shahi paneer for all of us for dinner.
That was all for today. I have to study for those 'so called easy peesy exams' now